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  • 49 minutes ago
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  • 3 days ago
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gay8:

gay8:

gay8:

my parents split after they made me. i am a volcano. they are tectonic plates. follow for more geological humour.

i really hope the two people who just followed me aren’t looking for geological humour or you are going to be earth-shatteringly disappointed

this post is one of my best by a landslide

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  • 3 days ago
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idaresayihavetoomany:

its-always-funnier-in-enochian:

timelord-castiel:

rosskemp:

do i have cramps or has my appendix exploded

does my boob hurt or am i having a heart attack

am i on my period or do i have internal bleeding

these are our struggles

Thinking of dirty thoughts and getting an erection in awkward situations

The struggles of a man

boo hoo

thinking of my naked grandma isnt going to suck the blood back into my vagina

you need an award right now

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  • 3 days ago
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i-need-the-pie-bitch:

i-need-the-pie-bitch:

my brother once accidentally locked himself in a dog cage and starting snapchatting photos for help till my mum and dad had to drive over and free him

did I fail to mention my brother is a 25 year old man

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helioscentrifuge:

runtime-err0r:

itsvondell:

you can take one man’s trash to another man’s treasure but you can’t make it drink

Fun fact: the blending of idioms or cliches is called a malaphor.

My personal favorite is “We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.”

I looked it up b/c that was a very familiar idiom and how could it be wrong but then

image

yeah wow that’s spot on perfect

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  • 3 days ago
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lightscameralundyn:

pale-fl0wer:

humorously:

skarosoul:

endermisha:

bmoburns:

preteenager:

HOW DOES POPCORN EVEN DO THAT THING

HERE I SHOW YOU THE THING

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this is the most majestic thing i have ever seen in my entire life 

it’s like a ballet

 

well fuck

It blossomed.

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  • 3 days ago
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beardhairdontcare:

Three straight boys walk into a bar.
Haha and then what ;)

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